There is nothing in the world that can bring us closer to Hashem than Torah. It is a realm, a beautiful realm that when you enter it you know you are there. It is similar to the feeling we get when we listen to the music of a particular era of our life. There are songs that remind me of my youth, my first love, my failures. It is mystical, but Torah is far and above, many millions of miles above even this glimpse called music.
When life gets hard, I have this sanctuary at my desk that feels like a nest. I am surrounded by Torah, from Chumash to RamChal.
I ask myself all the time, why did I deserve this glorious treasure? I have not been an admirable in my actions so many times that I'm ashamed. Looking back at my past makes me shudder. Why me an Irish German lady?
I can't explain it, but I remember clearly after a life of seeking Hashem, the moment I found Rabbi Kalatsky 1/2003 and heard the words of True Torah. I was down at the river and what I thought was an inadvertant scream of joy was the release of my neshamah from the chains of world.
That portion of my life that was like tohu and bohu, darkness and confusion, was amputated like a gangrenous limb. It has been a long hard road, very slow, bitty steps to get even to this level I'm on today. And I know clearly that his is like mile 47 in a zeccazillion mile path to know Ha Kodesh Baruch Hu.
All that I know for sure is that my thirst for world is quelled and my appetite is growing. How wonderful is that?
RamChal: These words have the unique property of causing one who reads them to incorporate in himself the highest excellence and the greatest perfection.
The condition: That they be read with hoiness and purity, with the proper intent of fulfilling God's Will.
MH: Even to the slightest degree.
Thank you Hashem.
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